Dawkins to be date-raped and stranger-raped in name of science

by philapilus

“Um, did I just say something monumentally stupid?”

Scientist Richard Dawkins has agreed to be raped, once by a friend and once by a complete stranger, in order to test scientifically his pronouncement that the former is preferable.

Speaking to the Today programme, Dawkins said “Look, the point I was making is a very simple one: saying X is worse than Y is not an endorsement of X – that’s just plain logic.

“But, as I have made these particular predictions, I feel I have to test my hypotheses, in the spirit of scientific enquiry. I am a man of principles.”

He added “But all those people who think I said something outrageous are complete idiots.

“Obviously I wasn’t saying date rape is ok, for god’s sake! Er, I mean, for the sake of random fluctuating patterns in the matrix of a solely material universe which obeys fundamental laws of physics.”

Anti-rape activist, Samantha Furcup, said “Yeah, I understand that he wasn’t saying date rape is a barrel of laughs. I imagine most people aren’t that thick.

“I guess the point is that some opinionated wanker turning up and wading into a highly sensitive debate with mind-numbingly stupid comments, and then telling everyone that they’re idiots for getting upset, is a bit fucking rich.

“It’s like turning up to someone’s funeral and yelling at their widow that she’s a moron for hoping there’s life after death.

“Oh, he does that too? Well, can’t say I’m surprised. He has the emotional intelligence of a particularly large and malodorous shit blocking the toilet, one that is so solid you have to break it up with a fucking crowbar.”

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