People who use hashtags to be neutered

by philapilus


The government has announced bold legislation intended to curb the use of hashtags by complete idiots on social media.

A No.10 spokesperson said “Fatuous, self-involved morons who make pathetically ill-informed status updates which they then try to elevate and share by following it with #feminism, or #liberty, or #lovinglife or some other shit, will no longer be able to breed.

“To be honest, we did write a long press statement, but there’s no point reading it out. You all know who these utter, utter dickwads are and everyone with any sense can see why it is vital to stamp them out. Bye.”

Samantha Furcup, a telecommunications development support assistant advisor, said “I think this is well wrong, innit? the government is like, restricting us just for telling it like it is, right? #tellingtruthtopower #persecuted #fasciststate.”

The legislation has been welcomed by that section of the public that isn’t desperate to spread the detritus of their minds across the internet by highjacking the musical notation for a sharpened tone.

But some people have said that hashtag users should be offered help to stop, before automatically being subjected to compulsory neutering.

Some have even claimed that the hashtag obsession is akin to a medical disorder, and that the ubiquitous ‘#’ is in fact as addictive as heroin.

Unemployed obsessive Twitterer and Facebook fanatic, Tim Twanks said #lostmyjobcosicannotstopdoingthis #helpme #idonotdeservetolive #killmenow, (#andanyonewhowriteshashtagsaboutpets).


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