MoD ‘unsure’ whether stealth fighter is at Farnborough or not

by philapilus

Fuck knows where it is

After reports that Britain’s new £70m stealth fighter, the F-35, would not make it to the opening of the Farnborough International Airshow, the MoD has been forced to admit that it has no idea where the plane actually is.

Air Vice-Marshal Sir Leslie Fanshawe-Haines-Haines said “Well, we did put about this rot about having to delay its debut because of some engine fire in a test model, but to be quite frank with you, we haven’t an earthly clue where the bally thing is.

“Damn plane is stealth, isn’t it? Bloody problem right there, if you think about it, what? Once the old stealth mode’s on, can’t find the blighter.

“I mean, we’re saying it won’t be appearing at Farnborough, but it could be there already for all we know, what?

“Blasted thing could be whizzing up and down the airfield, doing loop-the-loops, and taxi-ing up to the McDonald’s drive-in for a disgusting invisible burger. Buggered if I know.”

The MoD today insisted that the fact that an enormous amount of public money has been poured into an as-yet undelivered project is nothing to worry about, and is “in the finest traditions of British public spending”.

But Samantha Twanks, wife of test-pilot Flight Lieutenant Tim Twanks, said “Hmm, so the stealth plane has disappeared has it? Well so’s his bloody bank card, all our savings, and that slag Sharon from No.32.

“If you want my advice you’ll start looking for that plane in the carpark of a seedy love-motel somewhere off the M1.”

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