Pink Floyd to release new unprecedented bank balance

by philapilus

The flying pig, stuffed with cash, counted as ‘offshore’ on the tax returns

Pink Floyd will break their 20-year album hiatus, with the release of new album, The Endless River later this year, which the band promises will be “our most thought-provokingly money-making album yet”.

Lead guitarist, David Gilmour, said today “Consisting entirely of new, never before released material, which we recorded two decades ago but deemed not good enough to release, this album will bring together all the original members of the band.

“Except the two that have died, and the arsehole who left after that massive hissy-fit.”

Drummer Nick Mason added “I love sports cars. Which one do you reckon I should get next? Oh, the music? Yeah it’s great. In this themed album we explore the tortured inner soul of Blue Chip, a man whose existential angst winds through the songs like a river of gold, and is then appeased when he becomes immensely rich.

“It’s brilliant.”

The group’s official accounts-historian, Rick Smarm, said “After several unsuccessful years as the quintessential druggy, psychedelic band, Pink Floyd had their artistic breakthrough in the 1970s and 80s, when lots and lots of money started coming in.

“Their combined wealth continued to reach new heights of creative brilliance, despite growing frictions between the band members, and even the split with Waters failed to change the fact that they were really high earners. But that’s nothing compared to the mature, elegiac masterpiece of a bank balance that the Floyd will have after the Endless River.”

Lifelong fan, Tim Twanks, said “Something about the Floyd speaks to me deep down. I will literally give them a blank cheque every month until I die, if they promise to keep making albums with long meandering guitar solos and melancholic lyrics. It’s the only way I can forget how disappointingly my life has turned out.”

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