Shock revelation:”NHS spends lots of money on sick people”

by philapilus

“If we get all the patients out, these mattresses will be excellent for stuffing cash in” said one MP

The Health Select Committee has made the remarkable discovery that people with long-term illnesses who require hospital treatment over extended periods of time, “tend to cost the NHS more than those who pop into casualty with a sprained wrist.”

The cross-party group has been investigating the impact of shifting patients requiring long-term care from hospitals to community services which haven’t yet been set up.

The Committee said that “70% of the NHS budget is spent on the 30% of people who keep coming back to hospital, because they haven’t got better from the thing that they aren’t going to get better from because it isn’t the sort of short term thing that doctors can just put a plaster on.

“This has come as a great surprise.”

MPs have said that putting the care of such patients under the aegis of community services won’t save money, until such community services are set up properly, and indeed exist “in a not-just-on-paper sort of way”.

NHS spokesperson, Percy Spoke, said “Um, I’m not the world’s greatest mathematician, but I think if you cut budgets and take money away from hospitals, technically they have less to spend.

“Then if their incurable patients are told to go away and seek help in the community, and there isn’t any, they may go back to the hospitals that you’ve just cut all the money from.

“Would it help if I just draw you a picture?”

The government insists however that the notion that incurable people might require care is “Nanny-statism based on nothing but a tissue of facts and research”.

One hospital leader said “See, I think what has happened here is that you have taken money away from us, without the problem being in any way solved or reduced, so, bizarrely, it might not fix everything for ever and ever.

“I know that’s pretty radical, but I just don’t think telling someone with diabetes to buy a packet of M&Ms from the newsagent and do some jogging is going to cut it really.”



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