MPs delighted as man who asked difficult questions retires

by philapilus

big nasty man with clever brain has to go away now

Politicians breathed a sigh of relief yesterday, after Jeremy Paxman presented Newsnight for the last time ever.

Many MPs heralded “A new dawn” and “A golden age for politics”, and enthused over the possibilities of giving interviews in which they will no longer have to say anything they don’t want to.

Michael Howard, who famously tussled with the presenter over a refusal to answer a question which threatened to reveal what a cunt Howard is, said “We need to get back to the days when journalists only speak when spoken to, and are made to stand in the corner if they raise their voices.

“I for one think that uppity tradespeople, like journalists, need to leave the critical thinking to us MPs; if something’s important, you can trust us to tell you. We’re extremely trustworthy people.”

Not everyone was so delighted to see the scourge of British politicians depart.

Hairy simpleton, Russell Brand, said “Awwww Jeremy’s lovely, ain’t he? When he does that voicey-woice of his, and gets all angry; bless! Wot I reckon is, that programme he presents, Newsround or whatever, is gonna be a lot less fun now. Awww, sad face!!

“Still, maybe they’ll ask me to do it! Cor! What dyou fink?”

But Boris Johnson, who was destroyed by another BBC journalist, Eddie Mair, said “Ah, well, you see, Paxo going is, is, is the tip of the, you know, thing under the water – sunk the Titanic, had a lettuce named after it, you know…ah yes! Iceberg. Tip of the old iceberg.

“But with Jeremy gone, we still need to, you know, we need to, to get rid of Kirsty Wark, John Humphrys, and that nasty great bully Mair, we need a clean slate, a clean sweep. And we’ll be, you know, home free. Great stuff, good show.”

 

 

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