‘Best Dad Ever’ not a real thing

by philapilus
Present Containers with regard to Children Help to make Excellent Presents for just about any Event

“In retrospect, the fact this was clearly a generic, poorly-printed card, not a bespoke piece of hand-crafted calligraphic art, should have aroused my suspicions sooner”

Thousands of fathers across the country went to work this morning, proudly bearing ‘World’s Best Dad’ mugs and plastic statuettes, only to find that all the other dads had them too.

Mike Ock, father of three, said “I got into the office, made a coffee in my new ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug, turned around, and Bob was pouring tea into an identical mug.

“We stared at each other in shock, suspicion, and growing resentment – but then bonded over a shared loathing of our deceitful little bastard kids.

“Bob also had a ‘Best Dad EVER’ tie, which was one up on me though. That was pretty galling; I’m his manager, so I feel that I should somehow be superior to him as a father as well.”

Police say there have been multiple cases today of confused fathers actually coming to blows over the ‘Best Dad’ title, whilst street sweepers reported thousands of broken mugs and crushed trophies thrown on the pavement in disgust.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, Head of Dadology at the Slough University of Fatherhood, said “Many angry men have rung me this morning, shouting about how the entire Father’s Day thing is a fraud, cynically manipulated by the card- and gifts industry.

“To which my response has been ‘And?'”

He continued “Generally speaking, the ability to inseminate a woman who will then spend the next twenty years spawning a clutch of needy, snotty children, whilst simultaneously turning into her mother, is not something anyone should see as a world-class achievement.

“Sorry, I know I’m being a bit of a prick about this, but I am just so goddamn angry that my kids spent yesterday basically lying to me about how good I was.

“Sod ’em. From now on the little fucks can get themselves home from school, whilst I get drunk and listen to Fleetwood Mac.”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: