Tony Blair: ‘Iraq civil war will vindicate our actions’

by philapilus

We might as well just go over there again; third time lucky and all that

Tony Blair said today that the escalating disaster in Iraq has definitively vindicated “that whole thing a couple of years back where we rode in and saved the day, and then everything was fine.”

After Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani called upon Shia Muslims to fight back against the Sunni insurgency, the former Prime Minister said that a civil war would be “the truest demonstration of democracy possible.”

Blair said “Look, it’s like this; I know what you’re all thinking – ‘maybe that invasion wasn’t the absolutely greatest idea in human history after all’.

“But I want you to rest easy, and have a clear conscience -because all civil wars do is show just how free people are.

“Free to have the freedom to fight for their freedom against other people’s freedom; freely to pick up free arms and fire upon one another freely, and to take life freely. Surely this is one of the most democratic principles in the world?

“Civil wars have been the defining feature of the world’s most advanced nations!”

Blair’s ally on all-things-Iraqi, George W Bush, made no official response to the violence threatening to tear the country apart yet again.

But sources close to the former president said he painted a picture of a stick figure with a tea-towel on its head firing at another stick-figure with a tea towel on its head, and they were both smiling, so presumably he is in favour.

Inveterate Guardian reader Samantha Furcup said “HUH! TYPICAL! It’s Tony B-LIAR all over again! The hawks and the neocons and the capitalists and the bankers ruining the world and blaming our poor brown comrades in the Middle east!!!!!!

“Tony B-LIAR is the real war criminal! As a signed up pacifist I say we should spread love and peace by stringing him up from a lamp-post and burning his eyelids off with a Zippo lighter.

“By the way, did you notice I said ‘B Liar’, instead of Blair? Clever, eh?”

Meanwhile Britain’s press has resorted to reprinting articles from ten years ago, because, according to an insider at the Daily Mail, “It’s easier than writing it all out again.

“So far not a single reader has noticed.”


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