Catastrophe in Mosul as OH LOOK, FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

by philapilus

Presumably Mosul didn’t make it past the qualifiers, because they’re not in any of the groups as far as we can see

Around half a million refugees have fled the city of Mosul after Islamist militants did something or other that will probably sort itself out and be absolutely fine, because IT’S THE FRICKIN’ WORLD CUP!

Middle East experts said today “The next few weeks are going to be amazing, with absolutely and completely non-stop football; football games, football analysis, football interviews, football adverts, and everyone brilliantly never shutting-the-fuck-up about the football.

“It’s going to be so cool!!”

The Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki said today “I really don’t fancy England’s chances. Bitch of a draw that. It might be the single biggest worry I have right now.

“What if they don’t make the last sixteen?”

Foreign Secretary William Hague said “Not looking good for Rolf Harris, is it? What? Football? No, more of a rugger man myself. Anyway, did you know that you totally can’t tell Angelina had a mastectomy?”

A man fleeing Mosul with his family (who asked not to be named as grocer Farouk Kufi, in case a bunch of insane religious maniacs murder him in the name of stone age make-believe) said “My money’s on Brazil. They’re on their home-turf, Scolari’s an excellent coach, and Brazilian female fans wear fuck-all in the stadium – the cameras love it.

“The world cup is going to make this a month I never forget.”

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