Ritual humiliation of Merkel planned for D-Day anniversary

by philapilus

Merkel tries to remain stoic, after learning Silvio Berlusconi has been invited

World leaders are meeting in France tomorrow for the 70th anniversary of the D-Day landings, where it is understood they will line up and take it in turns to break wind in the face of Angela Merkel.

Visiting dignitaries will walk along a short length of red carpet, marked off with gilded rope, at the end of which will be seated the German chancellor, perched on a crude stool.

Each representative will then turn their rear towards Merkel, and let loose up to three anal salutes, which she will be compelled to give the appearance of savouring.

David Cameron, who will be the third Briton to cut the cheese in Merkel’s face – after the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh – said “What we have to remember is that this occasion will be one of powerful emotional resonance for millions of people.

“It has nothing to do with laying blame at anyone’s door. We need, collectively, as a modern and united Europe, to expunge the horrors of history, and that is what this ceremony is about.

“Also, farts are just inherently hilarious.

“But whatever else you might think, this has nothing to do with trying to win back the massive xenophobic bastard that is the collective British public, from its current infatuation with UKIP.”

President Francois Hollande, who, as the leader of the hosting nation will be the first to grace the German chancellor’s immediate facial vicinity with his sphincter-whistles, said “I ‘ave been eating ze strong cheese and onions for three days continuous.

“I ‘ope to really knock ‘er off ze chair avec a most massive poot, eh? Fucking Germans, n’est-ce-pas?”

But, Hans Onmycok, the German co-ordinator of the event said “It iss all very vell to commemorate zis occasion, 70 jahren since zer allies in Normandy haf landed. But our concern iss; vot if some of zer more elderly statesmen and vimen are not being able zere trouser coughs to stop, vunce started?

“If zer incontinent Duke of Edinburgh follows through his ‘trouser toot’ mit einen bowel-movement, a new vorld var may be unleashed. Be very careful, zat iss all ve are saying.”

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If you have been offended by the abhorrently racist, and bigoted national stereotyping displayed in this – or any other TMB – article, please do let us know, by placing your backside over our extended middle finger, and slowly rotating.  

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