Death of Alexander Shulgin proves drugs are bad, say authorities

by philapilus

Unlike, say, a plastic bottle containing 2 litres of vodka mixed with meths, these *might* make you seriously ill.

The Department of Health and the Home Office issued a joint statement this morning, in which they pointed out “an undeniable link” between Dr Alexander Shulgin’s work in psychoactive drugs, and his death on June 2nd.

The government’s spokesperson on drug policy, Percy Spoke, said “This is clinching proof of what we have been saying all along; drugs kill people.

“Far from being a form of sensory experimentation no more inherently dangerous than cigarettes or alcohol, ecstasy-use is the sort of body-poisoning that catches you unawares, and BAM! You’re cut down in your prime, at the premature age of 88.”

Dr Shulgin, a respected expert who introduced MDMA to psychologists, and spent years undertaking detailed laboratory research, thought that all drugs should be legalised. He died of liver cancer towards the end of his ninth decade.

The anti-drug lobby says this is the “best proof yet” that the drug classification system in the UK “is not a matter of arbitrary fuckwittedness, nor is it a shambolic failure to address the realities of harm caused by some legal substances, and the relative merits of some of those currently illegal.”

Herby Potsworth, a lazily-drawn stereotypical student activist for ‘Legalise Everything’ campaign, said “Huh? Wha? Who died? Don’t lay that bad shit on me daddio, you’re putting a downer on my groove, man.”

 

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