BBC ‘No intention of sacking Justin Bieber’ over N-word fiasco

by philapilus
"I am SO sorry, honestly..."

“I am SO sorry, honestly…”

The BBC announced today that they “had no plans to terminate Justin Bieber’s employment” after footage emerged of the singer using the ‘N-word’ in a racist joke.

A spokesman said “In line with corporation policy, we have investigated the matter, and on discovering that Bieber is rich and famous, have decided it would not be in the public interest to do anything more than offer a mild reprimand.

“The BBC stands by its established procedure for dealing with alleged racial incidents, which is to refer the incident to the Clarkson-Lowe scale.

“Broadly speaking, the use of the scale can be summarised thus; if the incident is similar to Jeremy Clarkson publically denying using a racial slur, then guiltily admitting he did use it, we email the accused saying ‘Why, you little…! That’s another fine mess you’ve got us in, eh?! Cheeky sausage!’.

“But if it’s closer to local DJ, David Lowe, accidentally playing a song with a racist term in it and then offering to apologise on air straight away, we’ll demand their resignation.

“And after careful analysis by our top people, we discovered Justin Bieber is not a local DJ.”

When it was pointed out that the singer does not, in fact, work for the BBC, the spokesperson said “To be honest, these days as soon as anyone remotely well-known makes any kind of public cock-up we find it easiest just to issue an apology and/or statement of defence immediately.

“And as almost everyone who’s worked here has at some point made an unbelievably atrocious cock-up – ranging from the minor solecism to major crime – our default position is to assume anyone fucking up has definitely worked for us. It’s so much easier than going through the employment records each time.”

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