Lib Dems now unable to beat even themselves

by philapilus

Like trying to choose between diarrhoea and constipation

It was revealed yesterday that the increasing range of things the Liberal Democrats are incapable of doing has finally been extended to absolutely everything, after a coup failed to depose one of the most universally despised men in British political history.

Lord Oakeshott’s unsuccessful attempt to replace Nick Clegg with Vince Cable has been described by pundits as “the single most pathetic, all-encompassing and embarrassing fuck-up since Eric Pickles’ publically declared New Year’s resolution to lose 10 stone.”

BBC political editor, Bernard Cheese, said “Clegg looks like a total loser because his own party has joined with the rest of the population in thinking he is an incompetent idiot. However, Cable also looks like a loser because he acted all shocked, but it now transpires he knew what Oakeshott was doing all along.

“And Oakeshott himself looks like a total loser for failing to get rid of a leader who probably wouldn’t win a leadership contest against an empty bag of pork scratchings.

“I know I am not meant to say this before the watershed, but my god they are fucking morons.”

Nick Clegg’s reaction to the coup was to try and lock himself in the toilet. Unfortunately though the door was a little bit stiff, and he had to ask a small child to help him close it.

A spokesperson for the Deputy PM said “We’re going to stop the rot right here. Nick is going to campaign harder, and with more conviction, than ever before.

“We’re going to start with some appearances that can’t possibly go wrong; he likes being on TV, I was thinking of setting up a debate with Nick Griffin, I reckon he’d win that! Oh, you don’t think so?

“Well how about Iggle Piggle? No? Ok. Don’t suppose you have a bag of pork scratchings on you, do you?”

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