Antarctic diet working, say climate change sceptics

by philapilus

“Someone left the tap running, that’s all”

The surprisingly large number of people who still think climate change isn’t happening said today that the Antarctic was looking especially trim this summer, and “clearly benefitting from its 5:2 diet.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, who realised climate change and global warming “was a bunch of arse” when her drafty flat failed to turn into a toasty sauna, said “People say the Antarctic has lost double the amount of ice they were expecting.

“But if you ask me, its about time. It was starting to get very podgy around the thighs and belly.

“Now it has a whole ‘New Look’, and its going to be bikinis and sarongs all the way.”

Climate change sceptic, Dr Tim Twanks said “If you look at the sky, you’ll notice that the sun is still there, and yet not one of the clouds has caught fire. So it can’t be any hotter than it was before. Am I right?

“And yet we have a fitter, slimmer Antarctic, which will now enjoy all the benefits of a healthier lifestyle.”

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Seriously…?!, said “Honest to God, I am sort of hoping climate-borne destruction happens now, just so I can see the look of terror on these people’s stupid, fat faces.

“But then, its not going to be me who survives, is it? I’ll get some minor role of passing on important details, before dying in a freak tornado in Guildford, while the climate change deniers will all end up on a massive high-tec Ark, with John Cusack, sailing into the sunset.

“Bollocks to it all. I’m buying a Land Rover.”


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