You actually won’t be amazed at what happened next, says study

by philapilus
File:Angrytarsier.jpg

IT’S AMAZING HOW UNAMAZING IT IS!!!!!!!!

New research has revealed that despite the protestations of innumerable click-bait links, you actually won’t be remotely amazed, or even slightly surprised, by what happens next.

The by now generic formula “(We/I/this person) (did/gave/offered)  (to/and/with) Y… and YOU’LL BE AMAZED WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!!!!!!!!” has been used to encourage people with too much time on their hands to view a phenomenal number of ‘heartwarming’ pictures, articles and videos.

But researchers have discovered that, in fact, none of the subsequent emotions experienced by anyone ever, has been amazement.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough College of Pointless Memes, said “A team of dedicated researchers has spent the last 18 months clicking on every single link that comes up under the “You’ll be amazed what happened next…” rubric.

“What we have discovered is that it is quite obvious that the inevitable good deed performed spawned another, or that the random act of kindness made someone smile, that the music elicited a soulful response, that the homophobe cuddled the gay man, and so on and on and on and on.

“The reason being that the kind of people who post this shit, are not the kind of people with the mental wherewithal to actually create anything amazing. Their pathetically obvious, cliched, sentimental – and frequently staged – bullshit couldn’t surprise a toddler.

“And not even using eleven explanation marks can change that.

“What would be amazing, is if someone did a video in which they give something to someone who then becomes enraged and goes on a killing spree. Or perhaps the jazz music played to the docile sheep makes them go insane and chew the penis off their shepherd. You know, something actually surprising.

“And not just mawkishly shit.”

 

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