Farage: ‘No biggie; students all look the same to me anyway’

by philapilus

“This is my invisible tortoise. It’s juicy.”

After a prominent student-member quit UKIP over its racist campaigning, Nigel Farage announced that he couldn’t care less, because “they all look the same to me anyway.”

Sanya-Jeet Thandi, who had been something of a poster-girl for UKIP because she isn’t a belligerent, middle-aged white man, blogged that she was quitting the party’s youth wing, Young Independence.

But Nigel Farage said “What’s one more or less? They should all go back to where they came from anyway.

“Did you know that students are actually descended from a different sort of monkey from us? And, what’s more, a lot of them go travelling, and sometimes even study in different countries!

“The world’s disordered enough as it is, with men dressed as women and looking really attractive, and making decent, full-blooded, heterosexual Englishmen feel all confused in their pants.

“The last thing we want is students, coming over here, taking our jobs and benefits, speaking in their student language without trying to learn proper English, setting up their smelly corner-shops, and diluting the blood.”

Farage wandered off to lick the bark of a nearby tree, but returned minutes later to add “And another thing, some of them read books! Books with a hard-cover, and really small words. It’s the thin end of the wedge!”

Head of  UKIP’s student recruitment, Mike Ock, said “What this is, is all the Westminster elite, and the gravy-train politicians, and the liberal pro-European pinko press, right, gathering together and inflating a helium balloon right inside my brain.

“I can feel it in there, slowly expanding and pushing rational thoughts out of my ear-and-noseholes. Did you know salad cream can read your mind? That’s why I never leave the house without a nicely pressed, royal blue tie carefully inserted into my rectum.

“And you can quote me on that.”

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