General public asks to consult on Richard and Judy death-pact

by philapilus

Tough on sofas, tough on the causes of sofas

After Judy Finnigan and Richard Madeley announced their decision to assist one another’s death in the event of serious illness, TV viewers across the UK have asked if they can be part of the decision-making process.

Unemployed daytime-television aficionado Tim Twanks said “I have seen a LOT of Richard and Judy over the years, and as such I feel I should be offered an equal say in the matter of their assisted deaths.

“My recommendation is that we euthanise them both. Now.”

Asked why he had continued to watch the couple’s shows if he hated them so much, Twanks added “You know when you’re long-term unemployed, severely depressed, and you just keep watching utter trash, even though you know you’ll only spiral further into self-loathing and existential despair as a result?

“Yeah, that.”

Experts have said that the number of misanthropic bastards who want to see an inoffensive – albeit stultifyingly inane – pair of presenters die, is directly proportional to the amount of awful, awful television watched in the UK.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough University of Thick, said “Richard and Judy are morons, who specialise in making TV for morons.

“Morons who then loathe themselves for watching morons, increasing the cycle of moronacy tenfold.

“But if morons on couches stop making moron TV, morons on other couches will stop watching it, and thus we could achieve a great reduction in the number of morons hoping other morons die.

“But then on the other hand, Richard and Judy refused to recommend my groundbreaking text, ‘Epistemology and Eastenders’, for their book club. So I hope they get terminally ill very soon.”

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