Pro-Russian activists: “There’s no point NOT having a referendum now. That would be stupid.”

by philapilus
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‘We even pre-ticked them to save time’

In a move guaranteed to calm everything right down in the Ukraine, pro-Russian rebels have said they will go ahead with Sunday’s referendum on autonomy.

The activists issued a statement saying “Look, we’ve already printed all the ballots and everything. If we don‘t do it now it will be almost like all the bloodshed and violations of international law weren’t worth it.”

The decision was made just one day after what critics are calling ‘the moment Putin blinked’, when the Russian President mumbled that Ukraine’s attempt to decide its own destiny – a presidential election – might in fact be “A step in the right direction, towards deciding its own destiny”, and not “the beginning of World War 3” as he had previously claimed.

Some in the West say Putin’s sudden about-face indicates a weakening of resolve, but Russian Foreign Minister, Ivan Everhaditoff said ‘This not big masculine President blinking; is Russian plan for democracy all along by helping stimulate big unrest.

“Just like in Cold War when Americans help Islamists push Middle East toward democracy by encourage illegal insurgencies. Make region what is today. Hooray USA! Hooray Sovie… I mean Hooray Russia! Hooray stable international diplomacy not marked by hypocrisy!

President Obama however has chastised Putin for playing a massive game of chicken with Ukraine’s future, and has said that Moscow “Still risks the wrath of the west, and let me be clear: sanctions on artisan wine-racks and Ben & Jerrys ChunkyMonkey will begin next week, if Russia does not stop the illegal referendum.”

Meanwhile the British public continues not to understand the situation remotely, but is universally grateful to have the redoubtable and objective British press on hand to explain.

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