London cab drivers to do exactly the same as usual, in Uber protest

by philapilus
For the discriminating passenger who likes a bit of, well, discrimination

For the discriminating passenger who likes a bit of, well, discrimination

London’s black-cab drivers have threatened to continue to do what they always have, and bring the city centre into gridlocked chaos, to protest against the taxi company Uber.

Tim Twanks, head of the Licensed Taxi Drivers Association, said “In early June,  in order to show our deep resentment of TFL’s failure to curb Uber, we will make a concerted effort to be as slow and obstructive as we possibly can. And to drive our cabs slowly and obstructively as well. Very much like we do on a daily basis anyway.

“But this time we’ll mean it.”

Uber, an American multinational that has been favourably described as “probably not, on balance, more unpleasant than any other large faceless corporation”, says that it saw a gap in the London market for “People who want to go from A to B without taking suspiciously circuitous routes and slow speeds, and without the accompanying aural bombardment of an almost verbatim recital of articles from today’s Daily Mail.”

But the LTDA points out that the app Uber uses allows it to calculate fares based on time and distance, which it claims infringes on laws forbidding private cars to use taximeters.

London’s cabbies have said they will come out en masse in protest, and spend the day hooting their horns, pulling out wildly in front of people, yet simultaneously driving very slowly when you’re desperate to get somewhere.

They say they will continue to do so after the protest. And indeed before it. And pretty much forever.

Regular cab-user Samantha Furcup said”I started using Uber, just to see what they were like, and ever since that day I have feared for my life. I can hardly cross the street without a black cab ‘accidentally’ veering off course to mow me down. One time when I was leaving work someone dropped a black cab off the top of the building where I work, and it missed me by inches.

“I would go back to them, but it’s just that I don’t agree all immigrants should be shot on sight. What do I do?”

TfL spokesperson, Percy Spoke, said “Hang on, LTDA are going to do exactly what they always do anyway if we don’t penalise Uber. Does that mean that if we DO introduce some sort of sanction or ban on Uber, they’ll actually just all shut the fuck up with the racist commentary and drive properly?

“Because if that’s the case, then they have themselves a deal.”

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