Daily Mail apologises to immensely rich, powerful author

by philapilus
Curse that Muggle!

Curse that Muggle woman!

The Daily Mail has printed a grudging apology to JK Rowling, and has been forced to admit publicly that she isn’t “A lying money-grabbing single-mother benefit-cheat immigrant, who is gay, black and slaughters small furry animals in her living room whilst her friends watch and laugh.”

A Mail spokesperson, Percy Spoke said “My Lord Dacre has instructed me to say that we will retract the ever-so-slightly inaccurate thing that some people might have thought we meant.

“His Unholiness insists however that this does NOT prove the Mail is fallible. Any who have taken heart in the idea that we will change our ways are condemned to see such dreams stamped on, like the face of a child under the boot of a Zombified soldier of Satan.

“We will continue to bring Darkness to your lives, on a daily basis, in very basic, easy to read English. And you had better keep your grovelling faces to the floor and do as we say, or it will be you we go for next.

“Unless you are rich, famous and influential. Which let’s face it, you aren’t.

“Hail Mail!”

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