‘I never even NOTICED the glass has dimples’ hipsters protest

by philapilus

‘I just wanna check, yah; this is definitely from a micro-brewery isn’t it?’

Hipsters with carefully manicured beards and skinny jeans have insisted that they are not drinking beer out of dimpled pint glasses just to be cool.

The trendyites’ protestations were prompted by an article on the BBC website, which linked the ironic preference for the traditional glass tankard to being an egotistical arsewit.

Hipster Thom Austin said “I never even noticed  the glass had dimples. I’m so not about image. I’ve had my skinny trousers rolled up above the heel since I was in the womb, man.

“I’m not some trend-obsessed wanker who specifically asks the barman for a jar with a handle to look cool. I ask the barman for a jar with a handle because I have overly delicate fingers, and they’re easier to hold.

“And I’ll only drink in pubs that serve craft ale because I’m all about sticking it to the mainstream.”

Crispin Williams added “Yeah, I never even considered whether or not I would look totally cool drinking out of a dimpled beer jug.

“For me it’s all about keeping it real, you know, and I think that the important thing about a dimpled glass is the way it improves the aroma of the beer and allows for a deeper, headier draught.

“Certainly it wasn’t a conscious decision to make a statement about my kookiness and individuality. Nor is my Superman t-shirt. I’ve been wearing these since forever, you know?”

Barman Arthur Pint said “Yeah you see a lot more skin-tight t-shirts and trousers in here these days, a lot of ironic quiffs and woolly beanies.

“The question I used to get asked most often was ‘where’s the bogs?’ Now it’s ‘Yah, have you got like, a ruby ale from Wales? I won’t drink anything that, like, doesn’t come from, like, the far North’.

“They are – how can I put this politely – morons. But they pay £4.50 a pint, so I’m laughing really.”

 

 

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