‘Oh my god will you just STOP sending me sodding Candy Crush invites?’ says everyone

by philapilus

‘This could be the end of a beautiful friendship’

There was a huge Facebook backlash yesterday, as thousands of members finally lost it after being invited to play Candy Crush Saga for the 458th time.

Many users left the site altogether, others posted statuses such as “Ask again and I will kill you”, “If I didn’t accept when you first asked me two months ago, why the sh*tt*ng f*ck would I now?” and the succinct, if desperate, “I will hunt you down and run over your legs with a lawn-mower”.

Inventor of Candy Crush Saga, Dr Ken Unterman, said “I had an awful childhood. Now it’s your turn to suffer. And guess what? Here come seven new versions of the game! Screw you all.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, an IT support technician from Staines, said “Mostly my job involves telling people to switch it off and on again.

“But this morning my inbox was overflowing with emails from colleagues asking me how they could use the internet to order clandestine hits on Facebook friends, without getting caught.

“I haven’t answered any yet though, because I am too busy trying to do it myself. If my cousin Danielle doesn’t fuck off with the Skyward Tale invites, I swear to God she will sleep with the fishes.”

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