“Holy f***, did you see those planes?!” asks Better Together campaign

by philapilus

The Russians are extremely keen for Britain to avoid the devolution of any further powers to the regions, let alone grant one full independence…

“Shitting Christ, the Russians are coming!!!!” screamed the opponents of Scottish independence yesterday, after two Russian bombers made a completely ordinary flight near British airspace.

Chief of the Air Staff, Sir Lesley Fanshawe Haines-Haines, said “I can confirm that we sent RAF fighters up, and wagged our fingers very sternly at the Sovie- sorry, the Russian planes.

“Basically, if it wasn’t for the RAF, they were going to bomb Scotland back into the Stone Age.

“Seriously people; a vote for Scottish independence is a vote for Scotland’s being annihilated by Russia in a nuclear holocaust by October at the very latest.”

The testing of British air defences by Russian aircraft is a fairly routine occurence, that non-partisan experts say is “all part of the rough and tumble of major powers being completely fucking stupid”, but is not generally seen as a cause for alarm.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, who doesn’t particularly care whether Scotland goes independent or not, said “Russian bombers near British airspace? Oh yeah, that happened a few months ago as well, didn’t it? And a few months before that?

“As a matter of fact, I think it happens quite a lot.

“Hang on a minute, this isn’t just a way to cynically use the fact they were near Scotland is it? Surely the ‘no’ campaign credits people with enough intelligence to see through – sorry, I just heard what I was saying, I’m going to stop right there.”

But Sir Fanshawe-Haines-Haines said “If  Scotland goes it alone they will no longer benefit from the RAF’s Premium Insurance coverage scheme.

“They will not be eligible for roadside assistance, nor will our call centre offer them any advice.

“And as we all know, fallout from a nuclear strike on an independent Scotland would come no further south than Berwick-upon-Tweed. So, Scotland, bet you’re thinking twice about independence now, eh?”

 

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