Easter holidays to be frittered away

by philapilus

Experts said this morning that you are going to completely waste your Easter break, despite your good intentions.

“Ideal for self-improvement!” said no one, ever.

Plans to read mind-improving books, learn a language, play that instrument which is gathering dust in a cupboard, or even just to occasionally open the door and go outside for a minute, are all doomed to fail.

Holiday-wastage analyst, Wendy Nailinthehead, said “Your ambitious plans are ridiculous. You should give up on them.

“You aren’t going to spend more time with the family. You aren’t going to do any exercise. You aren’t going to tidy up the garden.

“What you are going to do is what you do every Easter, and indeed every other holiday of any sort; fritter away every precious hour in an orgy of chocolate consumption, oversleeping, heavy drinking, and light masturbation.

“Probably not even that light.”

Unemployed data-entry grunt, Tim Twanks, said “I was wondering whether to carry on with my hectic schedule of not entering data, but decided I need a constructive break from it. So I am determined to read Das Kapital instead.

“Unless I don’t get round to it.”

Housewife Samantha Furcup said “Easter is about remembering when Jesus was in the desert and had to survive on nothing but chocolate for forty days.

“But it’s also about packing the kids off to my parents, and getting Geoff to mow the lawn so I can have a quick wank in the bath in peace.”


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