Glasgow tower block demolitions opposed by thrifty Scots

by philapilus

“Tha athleets is gon’ haf tae compeet in tha nuddy. We cannae proveed outfits; wurr nae maed o’ money, ye ken?”

A campaign to save the Red Road tower blocks, scheduled for demolition at the opening of the 2014 Commonwealth Games, has been launched by the Scottish ‘Wurr nae maed o’ money, ye ken?’ lobbying group.

Spokesman Tavish McGroin, said “Wheesht tha’ nonsense, will ye? Why blow’t yon tooers, whin they’ll fall doon in a wee millenium or twa anyways fae free?!

“Noo; how muckle ye gon’ gie’s furr spaeken tae ye? Oonly Ahm nae maed o’ money. C’mon, ye cheep basturd, will ye a’lees no lend us a tenner?”

Organisers of the Glasgow Games had planned to blow up the failed tower blocks because it was considerably cheaper than organising any kind of grand opening event, and would also rid the city of a significant eyesore.

But after it was pointed out that in fact most of the city is an eyesore, and that “Yon darkie whit runs tha wee shop on tha corner dis feerwirks for a pound a whin”, many of the committee opted to blow the whole opening ceremony budget on a Catherine wheel, two rockets, and a packet of deep-fried Wotsits to hand round to the dignitaries.

A spokesperson for the Commonwealth Games Federation, Sir Percy Spoke, said “This has been the most difficult Games I have ever worked on.

“You wouldn’t believe how much trouble I’ve had convincing the Scots that meths is not an appropriate complimentary drink to serve to Guests of Honour and VIPs.

“They point-blank refused champagne or even prosecco, and in the end we’ve had to settle on Irn Bru because “Thass fizzae eno’ for yon forain scum” and “Scotland isnae maed o’ money, ye ken?’

“I am not even going to tell you how badly negotiations over the toilet facilities are going, but let’s just say the Clyde may not be the best place for a swim this summer.”

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