British air invaded by foreign pollution that doesn’t even pay tax

by philapilus

Can’t understand English at all

The government has issued health warnings today, after a bunch of foreign air pollutants from as far afield as the Sahara desert began descending upon the country in their millions.

A Defra spokesman said “Emissions from Europe and dust whipped up from the Sahara by strong winds will make normal, patriotic British breathing much harder than usual today.

“We feel strongly that it is important to highlight the foreign nature of these contaminants, and most especially to direct your attention to the fact that if it weren’t for these pollutants, everything would be great, and you’d all have brilliant jobs.”

Professional fruitcake Nigel Farage said “I warned you all! I said this would happen! African dust-particles all over the streets, not paying a penny in tax, claiming benefits, coming over here in their millions and taking all the work from homegrown, British pollutants!

“The government would have you believe that the mass influx of foreign particles does not need to be referendurummed until 2017, but I say to you now that Ukip are the only party who will face this invasion head on today.

“I shall be taking to the sky in my Bristol Bulldog biplane, and will spend the next 24 hours flying above England and dropping hundreds of tons of hard-working, indigenous British pollutants all over everything, to counteract the nasty foreign muck.”

Farage’s scheduled TV debate with Nick Clegg this evening will go ahead, but as he will be at the controls of his airplane, Farage will be relaying his comments telepathically to a potato inside the television studio.

David Dimbleby, who will be moderating, said “The potato is a strange, but somehow fitting replacement for Nigel, and while some people are saying that anyone could beat a potato in an argument, we have to remember that its opponent here is Nick Clegg.

“This could go either way.”

 

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