UK completely disoriented by thing that happens every year

by philapilus

“I say we take the hands off and nuke the clock from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”

Work has stagnated across the country, and thousands of people were found stumbling around the streets in their pyjamas and dressing gowns, after the annual thing that happens with the clocks once again caught everyone unawares.

Builder Mike Ock said “Has time gone forwards or backwards? Do I get up, or am I meant to stay in bed till it’s dark and/or light? Am I older or younger than I was?

“The clock on the oven says it is 7:30, but does that mean it is actually 8:30 or 6:30? I am completely freaking out.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, IT technician, who specialises in telling people to switch it off and on again, said “My computer has updated automatically, but none of the clocks in my house have, and if I am honest I don’t really understand computers anyway.

“I arrived at the bus-stop this morning shortly after what was or will be 3AM, wearing my pyjamas, and, for some reason I haven’t quite fathomed, holding the cat.

“And I’m still here eight hours later. I have no idea if I am meant to go to work, bed, or possibly re-sit the O-levels I took thirty years ago.

“MY BRAIN HURTS.”

The changing of the clocks in Autumn and Spring has always been contentious, with some researchers linking the temporal discombobulation to Britain’s alcoholism, high teen pregnancy rates, and general air of unpleasantness.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough College of Clock-changes, said “Bloody farmers and Scots. I’ve been studying this ‘Daylight Saving’ phenomenon for thirty years – every day of my working life. And I am still not sure whether I lose an hour or gain an hour.

“In the end I have found the only way to deal with it is to hide all your clocks and work from home for two weeks. That way no-one – myself included – knows when I wake up, but at the same time it doesn’t matter.”

 

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