North Korean revolution begins

by philapilus
Kim Jong-Un clapping

The must-have hairstyle for that ‘I’m a batshit mad perverted donkey-fucker’ look, that’s so ‘in’ this season

Preliminary reports suggest that bloody revolution is taking place in North Korea, after attempts to make Kim Jong-Un’s hairstyle mandatory for all men resulted in “all the barbers going completely fucking mental”.

The revolt began on Tuesday, after officials proclaimed the compulsory hairstyle via state media. Within an hour of the announcement, incensed hairdressers had downed their scissors, then, having literally nothing else, picked them up again, and stormed government buildings.

A cohort of angry barbers decimated the people’s army in a vicious battle for Pyongyang, and Kim Jong-un was forced to retreat to the countryside to regroup his remaining forces.

A source close to the leader said “I don’t get it. All we said was that they had to have the same haircut. It’s not like it’s that big a deal!

“But now they’ve got all uppity, and massacred half the army, and we’re probably going to have to nuke our own country to get rid of them. Bloody tetchy hairdressers.”

But one of the barber ringleaders, who asked to remain anonymous, said “I eat grass, I live in a hovel, I am not allowed to smile or cry without a permission slip, and I am forced at gunpoint to clap every time that fat-faced, ugly, moronic pillock Kim Jong-un manages to get out of a car, or take a bowel-movement without falling over.

“And that’s sort of reasonable. But if you are now telling me that I have to sacrifice my art and give everyone the same pig-awful haircut as that jumped-up, chubby-cheeked toerag, you can bloody well think again.”



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