Archive for March 27th, 2014

March 27, 2014

North Korean revolution begins

by philapilus
Kim Jong-Un clapping

The must-have hairstyle for that ‘I’m a batshit mad perverted donkey-fucker’ look, that’s so ‘in’ this season

Preliminary reports suggest that bloody revolution is taking place in North Korea, after attempts to make Kim Jong-Un’s hairstyle mandatory for all men resulted in “all the barbers going completely fucking mental”.

The revolt began on Tuesday, after officials proclaimed the compulsory hairstyle via state media. Within an hour of the announcement, incensed hairdressers had downed their scissors, then, having literally nothing else, picked them up again, and stormed government buildings.

A cohort of angry barbers decimated the people’s army in a vicious battle for Pyongyang, and Kim Jong-un was forced to retreat to the countryside to regroup his

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March 27, 2014

Winnie the Pooh preventing your child from being a genius

by philapilus

Presumably if you know their names you are thicker than porridge

A team from Toronto University has announced that your children would be a bunch of veritable Einsteins by now, if it weren’t for the fact that you read them stories about Paddington Bear, and Peter Rabbit.

Dr Wendy Nailinthehead said “Our research proves that exposing children to the callous lies encoded in texts like ‘The House at Pooh Corner’, will completely destroy their chances of ever getting into a decent university.

“It is precisely because very small children persist in the dangerous delusion, for about a year or so, that animals can talk, that our society is not yet peopled with a master-race of genius-intellectuals.

“Basically

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March 27, 2014

Sport: Flyweight ‘In/Out’ title, Farage vs Clegg

by philapilus

The best bit was when they had both fucked off

Anticipation ran high ahead of last night’s title-fight for the coveted European ‘In/Out’ belt, and an unprecedented crowd of 147 people arrived – more than have ever come to see either fighter before.

The match was mired in controversy before it even began, after a weigh-in on Tuesday which had seen both men struggle to make the minimum weight limit.

Accusations came from both entourages that the opposing fighter had stuffed his pants, but even

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