Proletariat to get drunk and play bingo after brilliant budget

by philapilus

Who says the Conservatives don’t understand modern Britain?

There was widespread praise today for George Osborne, after his egalitarian budget distributed tax breaks to the wealthy, and bestowed slightly cheaper beer and bingo on the unwashed masses.

Lumpenprole Wendy Nailinthehead said “Lor’ bless ‘im, the gennelman ‘as noticed us in our plight, and provided for us. ‘e’s a reg’lar saint. I can’t wait to go and spend me babby’s child allowance down the bingo ‘all.”

Big-fisted coal-miner and drinker, Alf Ardup, said “I don’t know much about economics. That’s for them as has school learning. But I am very thankful to them for the cheaper beer.

“Once a year I’ll be able to afford a whole extra pint, and on those nights the wife’ll get even more of a kicking when I comes home, pissed as a fart. Thanks Mr Osborne, sir.”

Treasury Minister Danny Alexander tried to speak, but big tears ran down his cheeks, and he broke down into a fit of sobbing.

Ed Balls however launched into a characteristically pugilistic assault on the chancellor’s policy, saying “This is a typical Tory budget – policies made for the rich, by the rich!

“What this country needs is to close the poverty gap, to deal with the house-price crisis, to invest in reasonable infrastructure instead of High Speed links between places already linked, and to reduce spiralling living costs.

“If you vote for us, we’ll achieve all that in the first two weeks, by borrowing three times what the country earns, and pissing it against a wall with a combination of mismanagement, complacency and idiocy.

“And all we ask in return is that you put your fingers in your ears every budget day. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”

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