Archive for March 19th, 2014

March 19, 2014

Proletariat to get drunk and play bingo after brilliant budget

by philapilus

Who says the Conservatives don’t understand modern Britain?

There was widespread praise today for George Osborne, after his egalitarian budget distributed tax breaks to the wealthy, and bestowed slightly cheaper beer and bingo on the unwashed masses.

Lumpenprole Wendy Nailinthehead said “Lor’ bless ‘im, the gennelman ‘as noticed us in our plight, and provided for us. ‘e’s a reg’lar saint. I can’t wait to go and spend me babby’s child allowance down the bingo ‘all.”

Big-fisted coal-miner and drinker, Alf Ardup, said “I don’t know much about economics. That’s for them as has school learning. But I am very thankful to them for the cheaper beer.

“Once a year I’ll be able to afford a whole extra pint, and on those nights the wife’ll get even more of a kicking when

read more »

Advertisements
March 19, 2014

Tony Benn could share Thatcher honours

by philapilus

“It might look grand, but essentially it’s just a place where morons scream at each other, with as much probity as retarded children fighting over a stick in a forest”

After John Bercow’s suggestion that Tony Benn’s remains lie in state in the Parliament chapel, the Labour party has formally asked that he receive the other honours bestowed upon Margaret Thatcher after her death.

Ed Miliband announced to the Conservatives that “As Mr Benn was such an incredible statesman, a member of this house for five decades, and a person of great integrity, we would like to honour his remains, in the same way that we all did the corpse of that insane tyrant.

“We were hoping you would join us in curbing your seething resentment, and at least giving the semblance of being sorry he’s dead, whilst we drone on and on about how great he was for

read more »