Sanctions on 6 Russians fail to deter Putin from swallowing Crimea

by philapilus

Russia’s credibility has reached the ‘jumping the shark’ stage. “AAYYYY!”

Experts say that the international community’s robust and vigorous imposing of sanctions on Russian diplomats has not yet managed to change Russia’s plan to annex the Crimea.

The region, which voted overwhelmingly to become a Russian republic at the weekend, was described by Vladimir Putin as “Mouth-wateringly succulent, with a lingering aroma of aniseed”.

Mr Putin told the Russian parliament that “The democratic wish of the Crimean people to be devoured, must be respected.

“Speaker of the Crimean parliament, Vladimir Konstantinov, has asked me to douse the country liberally in cream and ingest it, and that is precisely what I intend to do.”

Meanwhile, firm action taken by the EU and US in preventing about half a dozen Russian individuals from buying Andrex toilet paper, Calypso lollies, or from getting their shoes fixed in that little repair shop in Kilburn, have yet to convince Russia to retreat.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Sanction Studies, said “I think the West is really going to have to up its game.

“If the illegal Crimean referendum is not overturned, and Russian troops continue illegally to remain on Ukrainian soil, then I think you can expect sanctions at the highest level.

“Senior Russian officials will be prevented from collecting Sainsbury’s nectar points, and we might even see a situation where Vladimir Putin himself is refused entry to some National Trust properties. That’s how serious this is getting.”

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