Miliband less keen on destroying UK than Cameron

by philapilus
File:Europe satellite globe.jpg

“If they weren’t so bloody close we wouldn’t get all these horrible garlicky smells wafting over the channel”

Ed Miliband said today that a Labour government might refrain from letting the British people commit economic and political suicide by severing themselves from the EU.

Miliband said Labour might hold a referendum, but that they would probably think a little bit about how and when, and only do it if it were necessary, rather than just pushing for one blindly, which is the Conservative plan.

A Labour spokesman said “Letting the cattle who read the Daily Mail vote on whether to leave Europe, whilst goading them to do so, is a little bit like pushing an elephant off a cliff and asking it to hit the ground.

“It will definitely happen, but it’s not great for the elephant.

“Not that we have some great plan on Europe, or even much of a policy, because frankly we don’t.  Ed’s basic strategy is very much to lead from behind.

“But there’s quite a good political litmus test you can do, which is to ask yourself ‘Does Nigel Farage want to do it?’ If the answer is yes, then you should not do it under any circumstances.”

The Labour plan would mean only having a referendum on Europe if there was a possibility of having to transfer more powers.

This view takes account of the fact that, whilst it is enmired in huge corruption and profligate wastage,  being part of the EU is a tiny bit better than floundering alone in the North Sea.

EU commissioner Hans Onmycock, said “With your economy based entirely on selling poorly thought out financial packages to one another, and hoping that London house prices will rise for the next 10,000 years, you would do well to bow before we Germans. I mean, we Europeans.”

But Nigel Farage condemned Labour’s statement. Chewing on his foot, and simultaneously rubbing marmalade in his hair, Farage said “We must attach huge jet engines to Norfolk, and propel ourselves as far out into the Atlantic as possible.

“It is the only sensible policy, and the right-thinking people of Middle England know it.




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