Bob Crow remembered

by philapilus
File:Boris Johnson Leo Johnson.jpg

“Me? Out celebrating? Certainly not! This is a very sad…HAHAHAHA, I’m sorry, I just can’t keep a straight face…”

After the death of Bob Crow in the early hours of this morning, many public figures have paid tribute to the RMT boss:

David Cameron: Bob was someone who stood up for what he thought was right, even though he was wrong, just like the bunch of cunts in the opposition. Especially Ed Balls. Bob would have converted though. So if you liked Bob Crow, or even if you didn’t, obviously vote Tory.

Ken Livingstone: I’ll always remember showing Bob my fantastic collection of newts. I said to him, ‘Bob, these are my newts’, and he said to me ‘Ken, that’s certainly a big collection of newts’ and I said ‘I’m so very glad you think so, do you like newts?’ and he said ‘No, not really’ and I said ‘Well I do’, and he said ‘Fair enough’. It was the best conversation I ever had.

Jeremy Paxman: Well, of course, you’ll remember that the last time Bob was on Newsnight, he…what? What do you mean you don’t remember? Come on, try! No, that’s a pathetic guess! I’d make a better guess than that if I’d just been lobotomised. Try again! Oh you really are a blithering idiot, aren’t you. Well have a wild stab at it! Come on! I’m going to have to hurry you… No! God you’re useless, aren’t you?

Ed Miliband: Bob Crow stood for everything I stand for, and so it definitely won’t be cynical manipulation when I use his tragic death as a vehicle to bang on about socialism.

Nick Clegg: Bob Crow was a man who, well, actually hang on; I wouldn’t want to say anything precipitate. What’s everyone else said? I think for now I’ll just say ‘it’s sad when someone dies’. Oh dear, that’s a bit controversial, isn’t it? Can we start again?

Jeremy Clarkson: Bob Crow, was he that fat man who went on about trains all the time? Idiot. You can’t hit a fox driving a train; if it jumps out the way you can’t swerve off after it or anything. Well, maybe you could, but you’d kill everyone on board. Actually they’d all be public transport plebs anyway, wouldn’t they? Bloody non-drivers. Right, that’s the next show sorted; driving a train off the rails after a fox and killing loads of whining non-motorists. And the fox. Brilliant!

Boris Johnson: Hahahaha! This is wonderf- sorry is that on? Ah, sorry, I mean, you know, sad um, sad day, and HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, sorry, just a, a joke someone told me earlier, but er, oh yes, Bob Crow. Well he was, he was AHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry can you come back later?

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