Scotland and UK united in despising Gordon Brown

by philapilus

“Just awful”

Ex-PM Gordon Brown has once again managed to defuse tensions and heal rifts, by getting the opposing sides on the Scottish Independence question to unite in their joint hatred of him.

Brown outlined a six part plan for power-sharing between London and Edinburgh, cities which until now have been locked in a bitter tug of war.

Both sides immediately and simultaneously issued statements offering the olive branch, each agreeing to “anything you ask for, as long as we can join together in telling that one-eyed prick to piss off.”

A contrite UK said that it had basically only been opposing Scottish independence because it didn’t like the idea of losing a minion, and promised “to be more flexible, less derogatory, and to occasionally let you win at sport.”

Scotland meanwhile admitted that “the entire independence thing had been cooked up to piss off the English”, and that they were more than happy to go on being ruled, provided “the rest of the UK forgives us for spawning Gordon Brown, and joins us in completely rejecting anything he says.”

A spokesman for the new ‘Let’s stick together’ working party said “Interestingly no one on either side of this conflict got further than point 2 in Brown’s 6-point plan before hurling the damn thing across the room.

“What an utter prick.”

David Cameron this morning outlined plans to send Brown to the Crimea, where it is expected Russia and the Ukraine will immediately resolve their differences, in order to send the unpopular fucker home as soon as possible.

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