Ken blanks Barbie’s plain friend

by philapilus

What a total bastard

Shallow, plastic man Ken has completely blanked the new prototype ‘average girl’ doll, introduced to provide young children with a more realistic plaything.

The doll, built on actual human proportions, to give little girls  a less impossible role model and to raise their self-esteem, said ‘Hi there!’ to Ken, as she was coming out of Barbie’s house today.

But Ken just did a double-take, grunted something under his breath about ‘That’s where all the pies went, then” and marched into Barbie’s hall without even acknowledging the new girl.

Then, as he slammed the door in her face, she heard Ken calling out from inside “Barbie? Barbie?! Hey, bitch, where are you? Who was that fat-ass hippo walking out just now? I thought the fucking sidewalk was gonna crack.”

Barbie’s plain friend went home, stuck her fingers down her throat till she puked up the piece of plastic cake Barbie had given her, then sat under a cold shower weeping, and rocking back and forth crying to herself, ‘You deserve to die, you deserve to die; you’re fat and no one loves you…’

Child psychologist, Dr Wendy Nailinthehead, said “I think the problem that the new doll faces can be divided into two distinct phenomena: a) she will inevitably compare poorly to Barbie during little girls’ roleplay games, as she is less ‘glamorous’, and b) Ken is a fucking cunt.

“What we need is not a slightly larger, shorter, less attractive doll to join the game, for Barbie to torment, and Ken to ignore or slap about. Children won’t go for that.

“We need, rather, to train our kids to realise that Barbie is an eight-foot tall, emaciated, ugly alien humanoid, and we should stop fucking buying Barbies altogether.

“And maybe, just maybe, your little girl won’t grow up trying to starve herself to death, at an age when she should be laughing, running in fields, climbing trees, and generally not giving a shit about how she looks.

“As for Ken, he should be remodelled with a penis, and a pair of balls. And then you can teach your daughter how to hack them off with a rusted knife when he’s a bastard. That’ll fucking teach him.”

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