Archive for March 4th, 2014

March 4, 2014

“Fuck this” says Pope

by philapilus

“Do you honestly think I give a flying fuck what you stick on your todger?”

Pope Francis issued a statement today, explaining that he definitely had not accidentally uttered a swear-word during Sunday’s blessing.

“People say: ‘What a funny slip of the tongue’ or ‘Even the Pope makes mistakes!’, ” said Pope Francis, “but that’s bullshit. I didn’t make a mistake. I am just totally sick of this fucking job.

“I mean, Christ – and that’s not a prayer – what the hell was I thinking? All this kneeling and blessing and

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March 4, 2014

“Some of our best friends wear bin bags!” protest Tories

by philapilus

“If they’re allowed to dress like bloody bin liners, why can’t we bloody well point that out?” said senior Tories, who really shouldn’t be allowed out unsupervised.

A Conservative spokesman has expressed outrage that the party was forced to expel a councillor “simply because he compared children in burkas to bin-bags.”

Sir Arthur Theremin said it was “Political correctness gone even madder than normal mad” after councillor Chris Joannides was given a 12 month expulsion, for making the derisory comments on an image he had posted on Facebook.

Theremin said “If we can’t make a perfectly rational observation, that darkie children in burkas look like rather full bin bags – which, by the way, anyone with eyes in their head could

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