Susanna Reid’s knickers move to ITV

by philapilus

“No one cares about Bill Turnbull’s, no matter how many pairs he has”

Ardent followers of the news have declared their intentions to switch from BBC to ITV, in protest against the corporation’s “continual dumbing down and anti-government bias”, in a switch which it is claimed has “Nothing to do with Susanna Reid’s knickers”.

Watchers insisted today that it was a complete coincidence that ITV has just successfully poached the popular BBC presenter for its new breakfast programme.

Last year a study found that Susanna Reid, who occasionally wears short dresses, and crosses her legs, is the favoured morning news presenter of most British men, for her “excellent, fluent and no-nonsense delivery of information in an objective manner.”

The study found “absolutely no correlation” between fans of Reid’s hard-nosed journalism, and the vast number of Google searches performed every day for flashes of her undergarments.

Bernard Cheese, who watches the news religiously every morning, before spending some alone time in the bathroom, said “I told my wife this morning how important it is, especially with this Ukraine thing, to get really good news-broadcasting, and I have explained why I think the BBC no longer provide it.

“But she made a massive hoohah over it, and went on about how I always used to say ITV was rubbish and simplistic, and full of adverts, to which I replied she was probably just menstruating.

“Now I have to sleep in the garage, but I have taken the TV in with me, and can still watch the knicke- the news every morning. To make sure I miss nothing of international importance.”

He thought for a moment and added “In fact, it’ll be more private in the garage, so I’ll be able to concentrate harder. It’s perfect really, I don’t know why I never thought of this before.”

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