“Black, gay, jobless immigrants to side with the Scots?!” screams Daily Mail

by philapilus
File:Flag of Scotland.svg

“My mate told me that someone in the pub reckons the Scots and their Ugandan minions plan to crucify the English on it, in the manner of St Andrew”

Most of Middle England had a heart attack this afternoon, after Scotland offered asylum to homosexual Ugandan refugees, fleeing persecution under new anti-gay laws.

President Yoweri Museveni’s  outlawing of gay sex, gay marriage, speaking camply, or quite enjoying the pop music of the 1980s un-ironically, has left many in the country feeling they had nowhere to turn.

But Jock McStrap, Scottish Minister for England-bothering, said “Aye, send em aul o’er heer, we dinnae min’. If it macks yon English shat their troosers, aul the better, d’ye ken? The muir the murrier.”

The parts of England that did not suffer a heart attack immediately, studied the Daily Mail headline carefully for at least thirty seconds, slowly moving their forefingers over the letters, and attempting cogitation.

Then they screamed, ran to the shops and panic-bought vast supplies of lager, crisps, and other essential items, with which to survive impending apocalypse.

Unemployed unemployment officer, Tim Twanks, said “Have you not seen the news? We’re doomed! There’s a huge confrontation brewing, the like of which has not been seen since the cold war!

“And I’m not talking about the snake vs crocodile thing, which seems to be the only other important story in the world; I’m talking about GAY AFRICANS COMING OVER HERE AND TAKING OUR JOBS!!!!!

“And you know what’s worse? They’re siding with the bloody Scots!

“What? The Ukraine? No, I haven’t heard of it. Is it the place where the snake ate the crocodile?”

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