England has had its drink spiked

by philapilus
File:Knuckle duster.jpg

“Fucking come on then, you bastard”

England has claimed that it has had its drink spiked, after a European aristocrat used the same argument to explain away a racist tirade and physical abuse.

Baroness Marie-Claire Von Alvensleben received a very small fine and a suspended six-week sentence, for racial abuse, hitting two men and obstructing a police officer.

England said “I have just realised that I had my drink spiked too. Why else would I have been a xenophobic, racist, violent twat?”

The country said that it had probably had its mead spiked sometime in the Middle Ages, but with such a powerful dose that it had remained “under the influence ever since.”

England says that its racist tirades, mistreatment of immigrants, and general nastiness – not to mention its colonial and imperial past – were all down to powder put in its drink, “probably by some darkie, or possibly one of the bloody Frogs.”

It insisted that it didn’t need to apologise however, and, like Baroness Alvensleben, should be basically let off.

Judge Judge-Judge said today “England has pointed out that if it hadn’t had its drink spiked it would not have spent the last thousand years or so being a violent, abusive drunk, and given the fact that it has been a violent abusive drunk, I can only assume this is in fact true.

“The country should be let-off Scot-free. And that’s not an endorsement of Scottish independence. Bloody pennypinching thicko Jocks.

“Sorry, sorry; I seem to have had my drink spiked.”

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