Archive for February 27th, 2014

February 27, 2014

New word sought to describe the hypothetical absence of rain

by philapilus

The theory states that all the water just goes somewhere else for a bit, but it is not yet known where

The Met Office has launched a competition, asking the public to come up with a word to describe a rare meteorological phenomenon, which involves water not falling from the sky.

Bernard Cheese, Chief Water Measurer, said today “We are predicting that at some point, over the next 5 months, there might be a short period, of perhaps an hour or so, when the water stops being vertical.

“We don’t yet understand the science of it, but we have learned that water, in its natural state, is sometimes only horizontal, and not absolutely everywhere.

“According to

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February 27, 2014

England has had its drink spiked

by philapilus
File:Knuckle duster.jpg

“Fucking come on then, you bastard”

England has claimed that it has had its drink spiked, after a European aristocrat used the same argument to explain away a racist tirade and physical abuse.

Baroness Marie-Claire Von Alvensleben received a very small fine and a suspended six-week sentence, for racial abuse, hitting two men and obstructing a police officer.

England said “I have just realised that I had my drink spiked too. Why else would I have been a xenophobic, racist, violent twat?”

The country said that

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