CNN drops Piers Morgan: “Basically he’s a total asshole”

by philapilus

Britain said today it doesn’t want him back, and asked America if it could kindly just drown him in the Atlantic

Piers Morgan has had his CNN talkshow cancelled, after the news network “finally realised what a smug-faced scumbag” he actually is.

Piers Morgan had previously made a statement saying “CNN and I are parting on the best of terms.

“They are, I’m sure,  delighted with the excellent work I have done on finally laying to rest Larry King’s once-popular show, and I am particularly proud of how much debate on gun-control my work here has generated.”

But CNN said today that this was “Utter bullshit.”

Spokesperson Randy Crasswig said “He has racked up the hugest number of complaints imaginable. Some of it has been along the lines of ‘why is a Brit interfering in US affairs?’ But most of it has been ‘please get that round-faced goon off the television’.

“He thinks he started the gun-control debate, which is just massively egotistical. The only real contribution he has made there is encouraging an awful lot of previously passive people to go out and buy a machine gun, in  case they ever bump into him in real life.”

Morgan has expressed a wish to start interviewing people “More on my level”, and has said that from now on he intends only to interview presidents, royals, prime ministers, intellectuals and creative geniuses.

This led to a backlash statement, signed by more than 3000 presidents, royals, prime ministers, intellectuals and cultural geniuses, saying ‘In his fucking dreams’.

CNN also suggested he might like to consider interviewing people on his own level, like psychotic sadists, certified morons and people who sift through sewage.

This has led to a backlash statement from thousands of psychotic sadists, certified morons, and sewage sifters, saying ‘In his fucking dreams.”

NRA member Carl Krapmann said “It’s not just that he’s a cunt. It’s also that, yeah, I might seem like a batshit-mad gun-nut to you Brits, but the point is, it is very much my fucking business if I exercise my legal right to bear arms. Not yours.

“And also, he is a total cunt.”

 

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