US-China drama as Obama meets Lama: ‘He just makes me calmer’

by philapilus
File:Wang Qishan ,Obama Basketball S&ED.jpg

‘Calm down guys; you’re still my main homies! He’s never even SEEN my basketball, much less got to throw it”

America has politely suggested China should chill the fuck out, after the bristly country complained that Barack Obama was once again meeting with the Dalai Lama.

The exiled spiritual leader of Tibet is due to visit the White House today, in a move that Beijing has denounced as political interference.

President Obama, however, said “It’s not political. I’m just like, really stressed at the moment guys. I’m dealing with this fucking Putin asshole half the time, I’ve got that whiny little Cameron bitch trying to crawl up my ass, and unless I start trying to bomb something soon, all the Republicans are going to start yelling. Well, yelling louder.

“The Dalai Lama is just a really chilled-out dude! He comes round, lights some incense, does the whole ‘What is the sound of one hand clapping?’ thing, we smoke a massive joint, and then mong out.

“We do talk about the need for freedom from oppression, but only in the bleary-eyed ‘Hey man, like, money and jobs and shit, they’re all like, chains, right, that are like, oppressing our freedoms as beings, man’ sort of way.

“We don’t sit around saying China is evil. In fact, the closest we get to talking about you at all, is when we pontificate on whether to cure our munchies with chow mein or pizza.

“You didn’t see us getting all pissy with Afghanistan because bin Laden lived there, did you? Or with Russia for giving Ed Snowden asylum?

“Just fuck off!”

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