Farage and Clegg to have long, hard kiss

by philapilus

Nigel can often be found sitting on a park bench, harmlessly counting pieces of couscous into his shoe, for hour after happy hour

Nigel Farage has accepted Nick Clegg’s challenge to join him in a French kiss that will go on and on, until one of them admits defeat and pulls away in disgust.

Farage had already accepted Clegg’s earlier challenge, to debate him publically on Europe, but after it became apparent that literally no one would listen, the two agreed to up the stakes.

BBC political analyst, Roger Beaver, said “Both Ukip and the Lib Dems are so unbelievably pathetic that it’s actually just kind of sad now.

“It’s like when an actress is really unpopular, and no one will cast her, and so she ‘accidentally’ posts a sex-tape online, or announces she’d love to do another girl one day or something, to get attention.

Nick can also often be found sitting on a park bench, sobbing uncontrollably into his clenched fists at the cruel hand Fate has dealt him

“I think Clegg and Farage imagine that debating on TV will be their very own ‘One night in Paris’, propelling them to power and political stardom.

“It very much will not.”

Some commentators think that Clegg is hoping to reignite the tiny flame of popularity he achieved in the televised debates before the last election.

A close friend of the Lib Dem leader said “The thing is, Clegg was debating two extremely unpopular people, one of whom was also the most unpopular Prime Minister in British history, and no one knew enough about Nick to really hate him. He was bound to look vaguely ok.

“If he debates Farage, he’ll be going up against a jovial lunatic – an inexplicably popular one at that – whose politics amount to a serious mistrust of anyone who doesn’t spread marmalade on their toast before rubbing their hair with it.

“Winning would make him petty, losing would make him a joke, but actually no one will notice either way, because participating at all will mean the end of his career.

“Actually, thinking about it, there’s no reason for him not to, is there?”

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