‘North Korea possibly not as brilliant as we thought’ says UN

by philapilus

‘Well Duuuuuuuuuuh…’

A United Nations report has made the shocking claim that North Korea might not be the beautiful, happy, brilliant place depicted on the brochure Kim Jong-un sends periodically to the UN’s Geneva office.

The report comes after a year-long investigation, and details numerous, previously unguessed-at, crimes against humanity and violations of human rights.

Colin Bruce, UN Investigator, said “Oh my days, this is just awful. When they gave me the assignment I was like; ‘Investigate North Korea? Fantastic, I’ll get my bucket and spade! Holiday-time!’

“But it’s not like that at all. In fact, the North Koreans wouldn’t even let me in. They’ve got all these guys in uniform, who have guns, and they won’t let you in.

“You say, ‘Can I come in and investigate?’, and they’re like, ‘No’.

“Also, whenever you discover something horrible, you go up to Kim Jong-un and say ‘Mate, you’ll never guess what; apparently your army is torturing and murdering your own population! Come on, own up, did you know anything about this?’ and he just denies all knowledge.

“And then tries to have you executed. It’s almost like he’s in on the whole thing.”

Tim Twanks, unemployed goat groomer, said “Gosh, so I guess the international community will be knocking on North Korea’s door first thing tomorrow morning, and sorting all this out then?

“What? China won’t let them? Why would China, of all places, have some sort of problem with us trying to stop authoritarian governments from taking inhumane action against their own subjects?”

In other news, the number of pieces of paper with obvious things written on them has increased exponentially in the last 12 months, according to the Institute for Counting Pieces of Paper With Obvious Things Written On Them.

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