Archive for February 18th, 2014

February 18, 2014

‘North Korea possibly not as brilliant as we thought’ says UN

by philapilus

‘Well Duuuuuuuuuuh…’

A United Nations report has made the shocking claim that North Korea might not be the beautiful, happy, brilliant place depicted on the brochure Kim Jong-un sends periodically to the UN’s Geneva office.

The report comes after a year-long investigation, and details numerous, previously unguessed-at, crimes against humanity and violations of human rights.

Colin Bruce, UN Investigator, said “Oh my days, this is just awful. When they gave me the assignment I was like; ‘Investigate North Korea? Fantastic, I’ll get my bucket and spade! Holiday-time!’

“But it’s

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February 18, 2014

Pavement squiggles ‘keeping the demons in’ says BBC

by philapilus

‘Inter-dimensional spiritual warzone ahead’

In an important piece of reporting, that experts have confirmed “is definitively not suggestive of it being a slow news week”, the BBC has successfully uncovered why workmen spray strange graffiti onto the pavement.

Phil Noose, chief news-fill correspondent, said “You might think that all those yellow and red numbers, dotted lines and poorly-formed letters amateurishly sprayed onto the tarmac represent some sort of workmen’s shorthand, indicating where pipes and cables are, and so forth.

“But the truth is far more complex and disturbing. Those shuffling, swearing, gorilla-like men, with their hard-hats and pneumatic drills, are engaged in

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