Tories and Labour say anti-Clegg coalition ‘is on the cards’

by philapilus

“What’s your opinion? You’re kidding?! It just so happens that that is *exactly* what I think, too!”

The two main political parties have revealed that they are considering a power-share in the event of an inconclusive 2015 election, to ensure that the Liberal Democrats “are completely annihilated.”

Plans for a Tory-Labour pact took shape this morning, after it was reported that Nick Clegg has been talking about a Lib Dem-Labour coalition after the general election.

Ed Miliband said “So apparently Clegg has been telling the BBC he’s ‘open to the idea of working with us’, or something?

“Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but we are very much not open to that idea. I think it would be fair to say that I would rather personally give George Galloway a blowjob, than work with that weaselly little turncoat, Clegg, for a single minute.”

Following Miliband’s public spurning, the panicked Lib Dem leader quickly sent an email to David Cameron, saying “Dear David, Looking forward to continuing to work with you after your victory in 2015. Hope we’re still good?”

The Prime Minister’s reply – in which he cc-ed in every single contact in his address book, including all the major newspaper editors – read simply “Ha. Ha.”

Senior figures from Labour and the Conservatives then gathered to hammer out a ¬†blueprint for power-sharing that would completely exclude Clegg’s party.

David Cameron said “It’s actually been really easy. Fundamentally we realised that, although we don’t see eye to eye on much, we’re basically just like the rest of the country; provided we can come together in really, really hating something else, we can get along with each other just fine.

“And happily, just like the rest of the country, we have come together in really, really hating that backstabbing, self-serving grubby little shit, Clegg.

“We’re even talking about campaigning together on an anti-Lib Dem platform. It could be the first time this country has united on anything since World War II.”





%d bloggers like this: