Benn’s illness raises haunting spectre of UK Left headed by Russell Brand

by philapilus

Sometimes it can be quite helpful to have someone around who knows what he’s about to say before he says it

British Left-wingers were said to be in a state of dismay this morning, after much-loved veteran politician Tony Benn spent a fourth night in hospital.

Messages of sincere concern for Benn’s health could not disguise the rising panic amongst his supporters however, who are realising that, without him, the entire legacy of class struggle will be left in the hands of Russell Brand.

Labour spokesman Carl Marks said “If Benn cops it, the technical term for our movement, in terms of classical political theory, is: ‘completely fucked’.

“The sensible Miliband has left the country, the geeky one is losing a popularity contest to Nigel-bloody-Farage, we can’t form an alliance with the Liberal Democrats because they are already completely discredited and don’t need further help from us… we’re screwed.”

Leona Trot-Sky, who runs a highly unprofitable second-hand bookshop and attends rallies in carpet-slippers, said “The thing is, naturally The Glorious Revolt Of The Working Classes Against The Tyranny Of Political Oppression Is Unstoppable, and sure, Our Imminent Victory Is Certain, and yes, The Revolution Is Bigger Than Any One Individual.

“But, um, we do sort of need the occasional individual, to sort of help it all along a bit. Ideally someone like Tony Benn, someone skilled in revolutionary theory and political action, someone with impressive credentials, who knows what they’re talking about.

“Someone, in other words, who very much isn’t Russell Brand.

“But unfortunately we’re fresh out of them, and very overstocked on the Russell Brand front.”

Mr Brand himself said “Aw that nice old grandad might be going bye-byes? That’s well sad, innit, cos he had, like, those amazing whiskery eyebrows old men get where you can have someone’s eye out wiv ’em.

“Don’t worry though, we’ll still ‘ave a revolution wivout him, and it might even be, like, even better, cos we won’t have to turn the volume down for the old folk or nuffink.

“We’ll start by not voting, and take it from there. Viva la big whaddayacallit, you know; changey-wangey!”

 

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: