UK Treasury ministers to rip off unsuspecting Americans

by unpseudable

With news emerging this week of a phone scam that used a photo of the unwitting Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Danny Alexander, new and potentially lucrative Treasury schemes have been unveiled.

Who wouldn’t trust this guy?

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, put out a statement to explain: “We received reports that a woman from Kentucky got a call from Jamaica, informing her that she’d won $2.5 million and a Mercedes Benz, and all she needed to do was send money to pay off the tax on the prizes.  This she duly did – simply because the caller used a photo of Danny Alexander as ID, to prove his legitimacy.  And she thought he looked trustworthy – why is anyone’s guess.  So we figured: shit, why don’t we just do that?  We could make millions!

“And if we get caught we’ll just blame it on that guy from Jamaica.  Genius.”

In response, Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls claimed that Labour have their own innovative income initiatives in the pipeline.  “Our plans are at an embryonic stage just at the moment, but I have been piloting a scheme of picking up loose change on the street.  This has so far garnered 83p which a Labour government would put directly into transport infrastructure.  We on the opposition benches have numerous such alternatives to the Coalition’s extravagant schemes.”

According to Osborne, the ‘Alexander innovation’ is the first of many such plans to shore up the UK economy.  “David Gauke is going to start shaking down tourists on Westminster Bridge for money.  He’s got a dozen ideas: that cups and balls scam; selling scrawny bits of lavender in an overaggressive manner; dressing up like the Queen or Charlie Chaplin, and having his picture taken with idiots for money.”

Osborne himself has reportedly been cold-calling people to sell them non-existent stock.  Unfortunately, according to a source, “As yet no one believes he’s even human, so there’s a bit of a way to go there.”

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