Fox News warns of sinister infiltration of ‘Commie Plastic’

by unpseudable

Staggeringly dangerous

Fox News has this week drawn the attention of the American public to the subtle, insidious invasion from Europe of tiny plastic figures of menacingly anti-capitalist intent.

Fox Business anchor, Charles Payne, reporting on the feature-length Lego advert, accused it of ‘indoctrination’.  “Basically, these Commie Danes seem to be telling our children that unrestrained capitalist corporations run by megalomaniac CEOs are not, by their very definition, the wondrously omnibenevolent apex of human endeavour.  This has to be stopped.  What’s more, the so-called ‘evil’ character, President Business, looks a hell of a lot like Mitt Romney.  Is that an accident?”

Media analyst Paul Degarabedian concurred, noting that “often times the head of a corporation is an easy target.  I mean, it makes you think about what poor beleaguered billionaire Tom Perkins said: the super-rich are pretty much on the verge of being taken to concentration camps.  America’s becoming just like Nazi Germany.  And Communist USSR.  And probably Iran and North Korea too.”

Getting increasingly agitated, Payne continued: “I even hear these characters can now be found in shops.  Toy shops: tiny little plastic figures – Communist, Unamerican plastic – an army, ready to be deployed at any time!  If they fail in their mission to turn our children into anti-capitalist automatons, these little fuckers are set to kill!  You mark my words!”

At this point, the Fox medics, on 24 hour standby for such anchor implosions, stretchered the gibbering Payne off.

Lego, quick to respond to these claims, issued an immediate statement: “Well, that’s almost entirely bollocks, isn’t it?  Apart from the bit about Romney.  But, hey, it’s not our fault that he looks like a Lego character.  We probably ought to sue the prick.  But, well, we’re so fucking anti-capitalist we can’t be arsed.”

Mitt Romney was unavailable for comment

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